A legion of follicly challenged scientists eager to prove the alliterated expression "Bald is Beautiful" were universally disappointed by their findings that bare skin was perceived as more appealing, exclusively in the pubic regions, while long luxurious locks atop the head are thought to reflect vibrancy and virility."We're all just devastated right now. This was our last chance. We knew it was going to be a long shot, but there was hope. Now there's nothing." muttered a languid Spencer Preston, who's team of bald scientists are struggling to grasp the crushing reality, and cope with the fact that they are no longer even remotely attractive to anyone, just hideous freaks.
This research concluded a series of studies that began about 7 years ago when the group first started to show signs of thinning hair. Investigations ranged from restorative mousse, follicle stimulating brushes, butt-hair transplants, denial, comb-overs, wigs, aerosol hair, magic markers, and even cognitive behavioral therapy. While the scientists have resisted acceptance of their condition for years, they are now forced to come to terms with finality of the situation.
Brazilian wax enthusiasts are finding a silver lining, however remain unsympathetic to the plight of destitute domes.
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