Get your shovels out folks, it's going to be a stinky one. The latest reports indicate that the storm is headed for the Rhode Island area as it cuts a putrid swath across the Great Lakes region and is expected to arrive shortly after breakfast tomorrow, plopping 7 to 9 inches of shit all over the place. Chief Fecalorologist Hank Stoole predicts it will be 'a beauty'.The storm will come in two phases, with another small one at the end. "If you look at the satellite image, you'll see that as the storm progresses over New England, it will begin to kind of look like a lowercase j..."
As residents brace in preparation, super markets and convenience stores struggle to keep up with the demand for toilet paper, air freshener, and newspapers. At one local Little General store, a mob clamors over the last remaining plunger. Just up the street, a local man walks briskly with rigid posture and a Maxim magazine under his arm. When prompted for an interview he denied, claiming that he "had to go".
One woman who did agree to be interviewed said with a grumpy face "I am so fucking sick of this shit" and asked herself why she still lives in Rhode Island, which is known for its real shitty weather, and prayed that the state would just spiral into the abyss.
Debate continues however, with some citing that the weather pattern is a regiment and good for the environment. Others aren't convinced, asking "What has the atmosphere been eating?"
Consternation aside, the storm's movement is a sure sign that this biological imperative is imminent.
Good thing I know to batten down the hatches and get the family in the basement to brace for this hug shit storm. I’m hoping that any splash back is held to a minimum. I don’t know about you, but once I deliver I prefer no returns. After the crap passes it should take a few days for the city to flush the streets. They usually pile it up right where I can step in it getting out of my car. Keeping my fingers crossed that the stuff is more formed than runny. That slushy shit just gets all over everything.
ReplyDelete