LUCKY BASTARD FALLS AT BURGER KING

Twenty year old Travis Beecher was feeling a little depressed recently after a spell of what he called 'a bit of bad luck', citing the loss of his job and girlfriend. His luck turned around for him Monday morning when fate landed him flat on his face in the middle of Burger King.

A witness described the incident: "Oh man you should have seen this guy do a wicked face plant. He got totally fucked up too, his face was all bloody and shit..."

Beecher explained the story:"My girlfriend Tina texted me and said she was going to this huge Kegger at Justin's house, but I had to work...so she's all like 'fuck you kid, I'm going anyway' and I knew there was gonna be like mad dudes there who wanna get with her."

"I just said 'fuck it', you know? 'This job blows anyway', so I just quit. It was awesome too, I totally made a scene. I flicked off this lady at the drive through and then I called the manager Dan a dick and walked out. I am like that places hero now...[hahaha]."

"But anyway, when I got the the party, Tina was dancing with Justin and I was all like 'Tina, what are you doing?' and then she got pissed and dumped me in front of the whole party and made out with Justin and even my manager Dan later on after he finished his shift. I stayed because I already spent five bucks to get in and I really wanted to get drunk, which I did, big-time."

"I was all pissed about Tina dissing me at the party, and I got wicked trashed 'til the sun came up. By that time, I was like so starving, so I drove to Burger King to get breakfast, and when I walked in I guess I passed out and fell right on my face."

"The next thing I know I'm waking up in the hospital. I mean, I could have easily been arrested for underage drinking, drunk driving, public intoxication, peeing in the parking lot before I went in...but instead I fell and got permanent disfigurement and Burger King is gonna give me like $190,000 and free fries for life!"

"When Tina found out she all wants to get back with me now. I'm throwing a kegger tonight at my place to celebrate! You wanna come newspaper dude?"

Beecher and his girlfriend Tina are already planning what to do with the money, Travis said he plans to buy a dirt bike and Tina wants to go to Cancun in the spring with her girlfriends.