LOCAL COP MAKES GOOD

Peter Balddick, a 28 year old rookie police officer from Westboro, Massachusetts fulfilled his lifelong dream of murdering homeless crackhead in the line of duty Monday after a brief altercation.

According to the police report filed Tuesday morning, Officer Balddick responded to a complaint from a resident at the Waterford Hills luxury condominium complex on Main street, that a man was rummaging through a dumpster in the rear of the Starbucks coffee shop that is housed within the complex. Balddick reported that the man matched the callers description, with a height of approximately 5'5", weighing about 120 pounds, Mexican in appearance, wearing tattered cargo shorts and a Christmas sweater.

When the man was approached for questioning, he appeared startled and became agitated, making indiscernible sounds. Balddick then immediately drew his firearm on the suspect and ordered him to the ground. The suspect failed to comply, and then brandished what appeared to be a weapon. Officer Balddick fired on the suspect 13 times, emptying the magazine of his .45 caliber standard issued Beretta pistol, fatally striking the man with each round.

"I'm just too exhilarated for words right now" said Balldick of Monday's events. "It's something you dream about as a kid...but when it happens, its like, its like you can't believe it, you know? It's not everyday that you get to shot someone in the face 13 times."

Sargent Richard Pinner issued a statement later Monday "We all are just so proud of Pete for his outstanding, good old-fashioned police work, and helping to make our community a safer place. Granted, it was kind of a lucky shot at close range but I mean, hey, not bad for a rookie. I've beat up way more hippies and transients than he has...ask any of the other guys, they'll tell you. I kicked some serious ass."

No weapon was recovered from the scene, however investigators did retrieve a partially eaten grande triple fudge brownie bar, a popular item at Starbucks, from the man's hand. No illicit narcotics or paraphernalia were found on the body of the crackhead, but he was in possession of community outreach pamphlets for local employment aid programs and free English classes.

"We've seen these types of materials before..." said Pinner "We believe they are used as some sort of improvised candle for the crude combustion and inhalation of crack cocaine." citing that similar items were found in the possession of four other crackheads who have been shot by police in the past 5 weeks.

Balddick, now in line for a promotion, says he "can't wait to get back out there tomorrow" adding "sometimes you wonder, you know, if you made the right career choice, if you're really making a difference, but yesterday made it all worthwhile."