60% OF NATION'S YOUTH LESS LIKELY TO GIVE FUCK

A recent survey, conducted in over 30,00 high schools nationwide, is revealing some alarming trends that old people -apparently just don't understand. The analysis, derived from a software that recognizes and counts key phrases, showed that only 40% of today's youth ages 14-18 were even remotely concerned with existence as we know it.

Some of the most common phrases returned were "Suck it.", "Bite me.", and "Who cares?". "These are all signs that we have a bushel of bad apples. That's all." said Lemuel Dickins, head of the NAHSPGC (National Association of High School Principals and Guidance Counselors).

Students are weighing in, ironically asserting their indifference. "We're on to you. You're like all a bunch of hypocrites. It's like, not even worth caring." Said Tyler McHutchins, unofficial spokesperson for the unaffiliated extra-curricular 'chip-on-the-shoulder club'.

Most parents are divided on the subject, with paternal sentiments echoing statements like "They're spoiled rotten. I had to do chores for my video games.", while most mothers blamed their husband's alcoholism.

Some scientists were critical, quickly dismissing the findings as irrelevant, claiming that adolescents brains was not adequately developed enough to appraise the reality they perceived. However, proponents of the study argue otherwise, citing that testing of cognitive abilities far exceeded those of previously measured generations, suggesting an inverse correlation between intelligence level and apathy.