CHICK WITH BUTTER-FACE'S ASS STILL AMAZING

"DUDE! You know that chick who works at Cinnibuns in the food court? The one with the amazing ass? Oh my god kid, she's busted, she's busted, I know...but damn her ass is like...KA-POW!! You know what I'm saying? Holy shit! It totally blows my mind every time I see it." Exclaimed an emphatic Neil Schwartz, the day shift manager at Gamers Haven across from the food court.

"Seriously, its epic. I spotted her at the Orange Julius last Tuesday. I stopped dead in my tracks and actually dropped my big pretzel, which also gave me a chance to pick up my jaw." Schwartz continued. "So, I'm all about to make my move on her when she turns around. Then I got a look at her face..." and in a moment of shuttering disgust Schwartz spit out his half-masticated pretzel wad onto her sweater.

"I was in total shock. I mean, how does that even happen? That's like a cruel mistake of nature, and not just to her, but to people like me who think we're about to lay game on the sweetest piece of tail at the Lakeshore Mall, it's like, even more mean."

Oddly enough, the chick with the butter-face didn't seem exhibit the level of surprise one might expect is appropriate for such a situation, tacitly suggesting that this has happened to her before, perhaps even at the same adjoining pretzel stand and Orange Julius. The butter-face girl scoffed and asked "What are you doing?" to the bewildered Schwartz who stood there paralyzed, mouth agape, with the remainder of his pretzel visible. He cleverly responded "Uh...What?"

Exasperated, she abruptly did an about face and proceeded walk away. Suddenly, a wave of motivation overcame Schwartz and he was compelled to pursue this ridiculous ass presented before him. "Wait!" he said as he gingerly sprung forth to catch up to her.

When she turned around again, this time with a smile, her visage struck Schwartz as if like a clothes-line wrestling maneuver. Looking up in horror at the lurid monster looming above him, he began frantically kicking his legs to back away from her.

By this point, 'butter-face' was pretty pissed and stormed off. Yet even after two nauseating encounters with this human yin-yang, Schwartz is still struggling to cope with the obvious dissonance of the situation.