FEMALE CANDIDATE MISTAKEN TO BE HOT ACCIDENTALLY ELECTED

Amidst a palpable haze of deranged anger, Christine O'Donnell, a Tea party champion, won the republican primary election for Delaware senator with a 6% margin of victory. O'Donnell's win has added momentum to the Tea Party express, an apparent fabricated grass-roots movement funded by wealthy right wing interests and comprised of an exponentially growing fringe harping on groundless fears and moronic complaints, who seek to harness their rage and mask their racism.

Supporter Fred Durgins, a twenty eight year old Wilmington, Delaware construction worker recently joined the Tea Party for no real good reason. "I'm not a racist." he says, but admits "I just don't want a black president." adding that he also loves guns and hates fags. Durgins also blamed president Barack Obama for the current state of "the economy" but was unable to elaborate.

In spite of his complaints about the suffering economy, Durgins was able to afford the $200 fundraiser ticket he purchased, stating "I was told there was going to be food and right wing titties here." However, even while cresting this wave of enthusiasm, Durgins is less than impressed with O'Donnell now that he's gotten a good look at her.

"Some loony skank who is kind of a cross between Sarah Palin and Rachel Ray won a fucking chili cook-off or something. I'm not even sure what she was running for, but apparently her advantage was that she doesn't look like a man. Well, not that much anyway. She could definitely be a softball player, and she looks like she chomps carpet, but you know, not a total dumpster fire."

Durgins went on to say "Anyway, I guess between all the face shots and podiums, no one has gotten a look at the rest of her. I mean, unfortunately this is going to be a deal breaker. She's a fucking linebacker. Seriously, the bitch is hurt up. A real barrel-ass you know what I'm sayin'?...and what's this I heard about her 'dabbling in witchcraft' and is anti-masturbation? What the hell is that all about?"

Adding "Anyway, I could get past it if she was like a smokin' hot goth chick or something, but I swear to god my fucking cock would wince if I realized I voted for that Rosie O'Donnell doppelganger hose-beast. I'm fuckin' outta here."

Durgins is currently politically unaffiliated.