TEA BAGGER KEEPS CONFUSING BARACK OBAMA WITH TIGER WOODS

Carl Scheckler from Mulvane, Texas was corrected by a Tea Party event organizer at a rally in Washington D.C. Tuesday, for repeatedly mistaking President Barack Obama and professional golfer Tiger Woods to be the same person. The organizer reportedly interrupted Scheckler during a harangue in which he accused president Obama of manipulating health care laws, so his insurance would cover the costs of therapy for sex addiction. He went on to suggest that Obama spend less time fucking and golfing, and more time dying from a gunshot to the face. "Typical. Just fucking typical, you know what I'm saying?" Scheckler screamed over and over, until his voice was hoarse with rage.

Tea Party event organizer Richard Stickley quickly stepped in to stifle the deranged lunatic. "I handed him a placard and told him to '...just stand there and wave this sign. We'll give you the cues when to cheer', but he wouldn't listen. He just kept shouting."

Scheckler had apparently brought two of his own signs, enigmatic, yet obviously condemning the president using racially derogatory and misspelled words.

"I would have had security tase him but Fox was going to be on location later to shoot a couple frames of video from the rally, and I needed to beef up the crowd. All I'm going to say is thank god for fat people, they really filled out the shot beautifully. It seemed like we had twice as many people there as we did."

"Anyway, it would have been perfect if it wasn't for all these idiots egging this guy on. So I got on the microphone and told everyone to '...please just keep your mouths shut and vote republican. We don't need to hear what you think. We've already got hat covered.'" Stickley's demands were met with fervent applause.

Stickley elaborated candidly. "I mean, you think its not hard to wrangle up a couple hundred rubes with some trumped up nonsense about taking their guns away or socialism and just bus them out to D.C., but its not like you can just throw some peanuts at them and pop in Mrs. Doubtfire on DVD. The logistics are arduous. You've got to baby sit these morons. Plus, I have to wear this ridiculous cow boy hat to blend in. Otherwise, they won't take me seriously. I'm from Connecticut for Christ's sake. Sometimes, I don't even know why I needed a PR degree to get this job." Scheckler is scheduled to attend three more events this week Stickley is in charge of organizing.