DOUCHEBAG AT WORK THINKS YOU CARE ABOUT SPORTS

Roger Cantrell, a software designer from Providence, Rhode Island has been having some trouble at work lately, but it's not performance related. It seems that Roger is nice to a fault, and has a tendency to placate others inane small talk about the weather, their children, and of course-sports.

Cantrell explains "Its not that I don't like sports, its just that...I don't care. I'm trying to live a life here, you know? ...and frankly I could give a shit about Payton Manning, Tiger Woods, or Lance fucking Armstrong. Really, who has the time? ...but there's always some numb nut who's just dying to ear-fuck you with their pointless opinions."

"So one day I'm getting coffee, right? -first thing in the morning, I'm not prepared to engage anything yet, and this asshole asks me 'Did you see that game last night?!' and starts going off about it. I had no clue what he was talking about."

That asshole is Keith Pinkston, avid sports fanatic and apparent coworker of Cantrell's. Pinkston is known around the office as being a talkative, clingy, nuisance but is generally tolerated because he is punctual and sometimes brings donuts on Fridays.

Cantrell didn't know Pinkston, and took umbrage at the assumption that he had seen the game, let alone knew what sport he was even talking about.

"I don't even know what that guy does here. As far as I can tell, all he does is annoy the shit out of me. Eventually, I just said 'Oh yeah?' and 'Yeah I don't know. I didn't see it. I don't even really follow sports.' -hoping he would get the point, but he didn't. Cantrell's remarks went unheard and Pinkston continued his harangue out into the hallway and followed him back to his desk.

"He just stared right through me and kept blabbing. I was like-'what is this guy's problem? Why is he following me?' Eventually I just said 'Ha ha yeah, OK, I gotta get to work now.' Since then its only gotten worse. It's everyday with this bullshit."

"Half of my job now consists of carefully planning my routes, and painstaking measures to avoid this guy every time I have a meeting, get coffee or even have to take a dump. Can you believe this lunatic followed me into the men's room, stood outside the stall and continued to flap his gums about last nights game? Can I at least shit in peace?"

Cantrell confided in another coworker, Mike Jarvis, about this snow-balling problem. "Just tell him your a Cowboys fan." Jarvis said. Pinkston's unhealthy obsession with sports is so serious that he has a compulsive aversion to Cowboys fans.

Jarvis explained that he had a similar problem with Pinkston when he first started with the company, but when he told Pinkston that he was a Cowboys fan, he became agitated and abruptly ended the conversation. From that point forward, Pinkston gives Jarvis dirty looks when passing in the hallway, but Jarvis says "Whatever. That guy's a fucking idiot. It's better than getting stuck talking to him everyday." Adding "It's like the wooden stake to a vampire."

Cantrell will have to endure another 3 to 5 business days of this bullshit until his decorative Cowboys paraphernalia he purchased on eBay this afternoon arrives.