Thirty-two year old Becky Dumas generally did not experience any difficulty attracting men until recent years when she began putting on some weight and showing some signs of age. While she contends she is more active now than when she was younger, she also concedes that it mostly tends to be online or at the supermarket rather than at the gym."I didn't really notice that guys stopped flirting with me because I was in a relationship for about five years." Becky says, but since her boyfriend Jason broke up with her six months ago, she is now ready to start dating again, only trouble is-there are no takers. After trying to get fixed up through friends, hanging around in bars, and sifting through the veritable freak show of online dating, Becky took to starting a mail correspondence with a convicted felon at the state prison. Even he terminated the relationship because he said he was seeing someone else.
Becky complains that even a man who is in jail has more options the she does, citing that she hasn't had a conjugal visit since her break up. The old adage "Desperate times call for desperate measures..." could not be more true in Becky's situation, finding her self batting her eyelashes at her 65 year old dentist, striking up conversations at the Dairy queen drive though, and wearing low cut shirts in an all out last-ditch attempt to impress the UPS guy at her work.
"My god, he's like this little nerd man with one eyebrow and he's always chewing gum. He's hideous, a total tear-down. I would never have even looked at this guy ten years ago, and until yesterday he didn't even
look at me.""I'm just really shy." says Chris Hobbs, the UPS guy at Becky's work. Hobbs is apparently in denial about why he is repulsive to women. Sporting an epic uni-brow, repugnant halitosis resulting from several dead teeth coupled with a lisp that makes him sound semi-retarded, and a timid stature of merely 5'1", Hobbs is not what most women would consider 'a catch'.
"All of a sudden this woman thinks everything I say is hilarious for some reason. Actually, her laugh kind of scares me but she has big boobs and I haven't been laid since my cousin took me to Vegas six years ago, so I asked her out." explains Hobbs.
"I really felt sorry for him" said Dumas, "So I decided 'oh what the heck', you know? I'll humor him for a night and if he's as lame as I think he is I'll just make fun of him to my girlfriends forever, like 'remember that UPS dweeb'?"
"I offered to take her out to a fancy restaurant and everything but she said I should just come over because she orders the best Chinese food. I knew this was gonna take some serious artillery..." said Hobbs showing up with a box of Franzia and a pack of Freedent in hopes he could get drunk enough to build up the courage to make a move and to get Becky drunk enough to make him seem less ugly.
After hours of awkward chatter about each others boring jobs and the two movies they've seen in the last year they eventually settled on some B-rated garbage Vin Diesel flick on demand. The pointless plot line, and painfully tacked-on romantic sub-plot made paying attention to one another more tolerable than the movie which quickly led to an all-night grope-fest and eventually mutual climax.
Both are dreading seeing each other at Becky's work next week, but neither are ruling out a second date.
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